Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Cat Catcher for the Pharoah

It is not always easy to report on the past lives of others. Sometimes I suspect that people are making stories up when they tell me about their previous lives. Many people have reported that they were a cat in the court of some ancient Egyptian Pharoah. I will not bore you with the details of these feline lives. One interesting past life does come to mind.

"I recall being at the court of Wamses II. He was a little known Pharoah. In fact I have not been able to find any reference to him in any of the histories of ancient Egypt. This is unfortunate. Wamses II was an interesting man/god. He was a great inventor. He told me once that he had come up with the original idea for sand. But, some other guy actually got the patent. Who was I, a mere peasant, to question the great Wamses II. He loved all creatures except for cats. He may have been alergic to their fur or just was sick of their constant purring and whining. I really do not know. One day he issued an edict ordering the immediate removal of all cats within ten leagues of the palace. He appointed me Royal Cat Catcher. I told him that it would be my pleasure. However I was greatly troubled by the edict and my part in enforcing it. First, how could I catch all of the cats. Maybe Wamses II would let me use the Royal Pitbulls. No. He would never approve. The pitbulls were even fatter than me and the cats would be able to outrun the dogs. Then I had a wonderfull idea. I called for the Royal Rat Catcher. I bribed him with a thousand Wamseses to take a vacation in Atlantic City. Before he left he gave me the key to the Royal Rat Cage. I ordered it carried to the stadium just south of the palace. Then I put up posters all over the neighborhood advertising free rats at the stadium. Well when the cats saw the posters they all came to the stadium. As they came in the gates my men would catch them in nets. Within five hours we had captured all of the cats. We loaded them into several hundred donkey carts and took them to the sea. I sold them to the Admiral of the Royal Fleet who said that he had a use for them. What use I cannot say. I refuse to speculate. The next day I returned to the Palace of Wamses II and was rewarded by him for ridding the city of cats. He asked me how I had caught the cats and I told him the story. The Royal Rat Catcher never returned from Atlantic City. Some months later I received a postcard from him saying that he was working as in New Jersey as a waiter."


Post a Comment

<< Home