Tuesday, May 30, 2006


I say welcome to the immigrants.
With papers.
Without papers.
No difference to me.
If they do not have papers,
we can give them papers.
We got a lot of paper here.

Paper comes from paper stores.
The paper stores get it from paper factories.
The paper factories make it from pulp.
Pulp comes from trees, used paper and toothpicks.
We use a lot of tooth picks here.

When we walk out of Bobby's Belt Bustin' Buffet,
we always grab a few toothpicks.
Then we stick them in our mouths.
We pick out the little pieces of meat, corn or apples.
Some people spit the little pieces of food
out of their mouths and onto the parking lot.
That is nice because it gives the sparrows something to eat.
Me, I like to swallow the little pieces of food.
I guess that I am just selfish.

But everybody spits out the toothpicks
when they are done with them.
That is where the toothpick people come in.
My friend Tommy Tortuga told me about them.
Every city has them.
They come out at night.
They pick up the toothpicks.
They rinse them off.
The good ones go to a tooth pick refurbishing plant.
There is one maybe a half a mile from here.

The other toothpicks that are not good enough
to be refurbished go to a recycler.
There they are ground up.
Then they go to the pulp plant.
Then the pulp goes to the paper factory.
Then the paper is sent to the paper store.
Governmental bodies, busy bodies and
assorted other bodies buy the paper.

So anyway, we got a lot of paper here.
So all we have to do is write some words on the paper.
Then date it.
Then stamp it.
Then give it the paperless immigrant.
We can do all this before lunch.
Then we can all go to Bobby's Belt Bustin' Buffet.

I like the pickled herring.
My wife likes the lemon merengue pie.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

How To Make Red Sauce for Pasta

Put a pan on the stove.
A nice big stainless steel one.
Turn the stove on.
Not too high.
Pour some extra virgin olive oil in the bottom.
Chop some white onions up and put them in the oil.
Add some salt and pepper.
Use kosher or sea salt.
Grind your own pepper.
Stir till they start losing their color and are transcendent.
Do not burn them.
Put some finely chopped carrots and celery in the pan.
Put some chopped garlic in the pan.
Do not use that crap in little bottles.
Chop it yourself.
It is not that hard.
Then add some capers if you want to.
Maybe a tablespoon.
Then put in some crushed tomatoes.
Canned ones are OK.
Get the best ones that you can afford.
Imported from Italy if you can get them.
Organistic is OK too.
Then add some crushed red chile flakes.
Be careful here.
Too much chile will stimulate the libido.
But that might be what you need.
Then add some thyme, oregano and rosemary.
Did you know that rosemary helps the memory?
And that Mary and Joseph, when they were on the run from King Harry's Homeland Security, hid in some big rosemary bushes out in the desert?
I guess the Minutemen could not find them either.
So cook this mixture on low heat for awhile.
Keep stirring.
Do not let it stick.
When it tastes right it is done.
Maybe you should cook it for thirty minutes.
The time will be more if you use fresh chopped tomatoes or certain canned ones.
But you will know when it is done.
It will taste good to you
Trust yourself.